It might be more ‘Man About the Living Room’ for the time being, but ESP columnist Pep Cipriano still has plenty of news. Here’s Part 1, the second instalment will be online tomorrow…
BIG LOVE DURING LOCKDOWN
So, the clocks are just a few days away from going forward and normally at this time of year I’m licking my lips in anticipation of enjoying an amaretto sour in a beer garden.
It’s also a time when I can get my leg over the motorbike for the odd weekend ride to the coast for chips followed by a 99 Flake with sprinkles for dessert.
Springtime would mean I’m at the gym that little bit more too – honing my love handles in time for summer.
But of course, all of this, for the time being anyway, isn’t happening this month.
The Coronavirus outbreak is undeniably horrific. As I write this, hundreds of people around the world are losing their lives to it and governments are putting more stringent measures in place to try and prevent the virus spreading.
The immediate answer to how long this will continue for lies within ourselves. If we stay at home and follow the guidelines set by Boris then we’ll begin to win this battle. Simple.
I’ve now been at home for days without seeing or touching (or touching up for that matter) another human being. So, how am I passing the time and staying sane apart from sorting out my socks drawer and reading pen-pal letters from 1992?
At first, I told myself I was going for a run every day. I haven’t. Instead I’ve been eating like The Nutty Professor. Yes, I know it’s bad but smashing three Cadbury’s Crème Eggs a day is the perfect pick-me-up when the world around me is becoming a scary place.
In times like this, if it feels good then do it. I promise I’ll start my running regime next week…
And speaking of feeling good, it turns out that Brits stuck in self-isolation are finding intimate ways to entertain themselves and show some self-love.
Pleasure brand WooWoo has seen demand for its lube leap into the stratosphere. Purchases of WooWoo’s ‘slide it!’ arousal boosting lube has risen by 64% compared to the previous quarter.
Condom sales are also on the (pardon the pun) up, as couples stuck at home break the boredom from Netflix (also seeing its highest ever demand) binges and head for the bedroom.
It’s well known that sex is a positive boost for our mental health, so expect a shed load of babies being born in about nine months’ time.
We should also expect a few thousand more of us filing for divorce too, when being locked indoors with the other half for some of us is too much to bear. On the plus side, the number of affairs should have plummeted by now…
A recent study of 2,000 adults revealed the typical pre-lockdown weekday saw couples spend seven and a half hours in the house at the same time, but only 57 per cent of this is in the same room.
Have we really become that shallow and stay together for reasons of convenience like money, kids and a lockdown? C’mon people where’s the love gone?
At least I can say that I’ve found love in self-isolating…Yes, Our Girl is back on the telly on BBC One and Michelle Keegan is all the reassurance I need that there’s light at the end of the tunnel for all of us. To get to that light we’ve got to love and keep moving forward folks.
Photo: Our Girl – BBC/Ilze Kitshoff
NO JOKES PLEASE I’M PECKISH
I’m a Gemini and my sex horoscope says make me laugh and ‘you’re in.’ The last time a girl made me laugh she was using a Brillo pad to wash her car. Just make me bread and butter pudding instead.
POSH LEGEND IS HONOURED
Even before all of this, it was difficult financial times at the city council but despite all their challenges it’s pleasing when our local authority recognise people who’ve made a significant contribution to our city.
That’s why I look forward to the annual Freedom of the City announcement and who’s been recommended this year. The council’s Honours Selection Panel have chosen Posh legend Tommy Robson and knowing Tommy how I do, I know he’ll be especially touched.
I’ve attended a couple of the ceremonies and they’re always delivered with genuine sentiment. It’s a good thing that our city bestows such an honour on citizens each year and Tommy, who’s supported many local charities, is more than worthy.
He holds Posh’s record for the greatest number of first team appearances and has been associated with the club as a player and an ambassador for more than 50 years.
Tommy has Motor Neurone Disease and he’s spoken publicly about the impact it’s having on his own life and the lives of his family.
The Posh Supporters Trust were going to organise a fundraising event to raise money to pay for items to help Tommy in his everyday life, such as a wheelchair and ramps for his home. Obviously, this is now on hold but watch this space for an update.
MAKING THEIR FIELD OF DREAMS
Another two lads doing very well from my time at Posh are Nottingham Forest goalkeeper Luke Steele and his best friend Luke Kennedy.
Both are six years into their Youth Dreams Project initiative, which offers schools help with everything from coaching PE classes to evening and holiday clubs.
The born and bred Peterborians met when they were signed by the Posh Academy aged just seven. I was working at the club when they turned professional – Luke Steele joining Manchester United and Luke Kennedy going to Rushden and Diamonds.
Kennedy’s career was cut short and he joined the police. It was his work within youth intervention programmes in partnership with the city council, Posh and The Youth Offending Service that provided the inspiration for Youth Dreams Project.
Pre-coronavirus, the project regularly attracted more than 50 children to their evening ‘kickabouts’ and it supported many schools from being unable to offer adequate levels of physical education.
In total, they work with 29 different schools in and around Peterborough. There’s something really satisfying about two local lads putting back into the community a sense of belonging. I know both Lukes well enough to endorse what a great job they’ve been doing and long may it continue when things return to normal.
CAUGHT IN THE ACT! (Pre-lockdown!)
” Err… Mikey, that’s my job. Please step away from the plate.”
GOLF WITHOUT GTI IS BORING
The subject of golf has topped a poll of things that make Brits switch-off in a conversation. I couldn’t agree more.
Wasn’t it Winston Churchill who said golf is the best way to spoil a good walk? It’s certainly a good way to get a suntan but then again, I know people who play at stupid o’clock in the morning when it’s freezing.
I’ve never been able to get the hang of the stick / bat thing you strike the ball with anyway. Give me a Golf GTI instead. I know hundreds of readers will disagree with golf being pants. Discuss while you’re staying at home like Boris says.
Part 2 of this month’s Man About Town (from home) will be online tomorrow.